doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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