Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
