dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just gargled with NyQuil
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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