glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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