so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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