there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
