he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
