Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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