I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize