How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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