Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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