I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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