so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
