The maid of honor just puked.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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