I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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