I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
