A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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