the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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