am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
