grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
