Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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