I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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