Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
