I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
