Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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