its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
