Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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