Your face is a jimmy john
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
