I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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