True but thats because hes a fetus.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
