her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
