My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
