also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
