I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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