I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize