he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
