please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
