when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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