im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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