i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
