I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
