did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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