kristin has been a bad kristin
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
