i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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