A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
