I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
