Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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