I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
