They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize