Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
