apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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