Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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