so that wasnt chicken after all
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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