so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
