saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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