I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
