Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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