Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
