my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
