Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
