wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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