well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need water and some morals
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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