fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
