I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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