I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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