Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
