im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
