she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
