i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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