47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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