His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
