Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
