My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They took my balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
