That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
