I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
