Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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