its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im holly from the hills drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
