a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize