You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
