sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
