so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
