I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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