I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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