Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
