Got a toothbrush?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize