I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
