i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
