it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
