why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
