We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
