A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
