If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
