I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My cat gives me a boner
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
