Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
