And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Non-Jews are for practice
i will never coherently bang her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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