lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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