How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
