just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
